things are heating up.
it's kinda funny, in a million years i would've never pictured myself going as far as i have in the time that we've been dating. if four years ago someone told me where we would be now, i would've laughed it off without a second thought.
it's the way i could feel him getting hard that really got me going.
i want so much to please him, and vice versa. i think i do a pretty good job, but now i'm afraid i'll feel bad everytime i don't get there...
sometimes he can be so selfish though, whereas although sometimes i have ulterior motives, i'm much more selfless than him. i wish he had a more romantic view of life.
but he has so many good aspects about him, in all honesty his flaws seem to fade into the woodwork. he's vastly more intelligent than anyone i've been with, and understands me just the same. i believe it's this that sets him apart from the others (and no, not The Others- this is not an episode of LOST.) this sense of just...getting each other, that is beyond anything i could possibly dream up. some say they saw it coming...funnily enough, he never did. this is slightly bothersome to me, to realize that i was the only one of us that had a secret hope we'd end up together, but apparently it hasn't bothered me enough to make a fuss of it...not that i really should. crying over spilled milk you know.
spilled milk.
"you must agree i'm spilled like milk inside your head"
this is exactly how i wish and hope and dream that you see me.
on the issue of God- my faith is slipping, but i am not afraid. my dad confided to me that his faith was less than measurable a number of times throughout high school and college, especially when he started developing an interest in philosohpy, as i have now. and to counter the argument that believing in God is only for the ignorant, i consistently remind myself that some of the most intelligent people i know and respect are strong Christians. my father, priskila layesen (genius girl at my school, incredible writer), and albert einstein were all firm in the faith that there was and is a God. if albert einstein, a scientist of all people, (widely acknowledged as one of the most gifted intellectuals in history) held the firm belief that there is in fact an almighty Man Upstairs, then so can I.
quite a few things to say them, but what is the proper way to convey them.
and more importantly, what is the right way to convey them.
I do not mean right as in true or false, but rather true to myself.
should I take advantage of my extensive vocabulary, or perhaps stick with a stream of consciousness? one is certainly more "real" than the other, but i find speaking as scholarly as possible as often as possible actually seems to increase the IQ, because it stimulates the more intellectual part of the mind.
i have been reading up on psychology and dream interpretation; not to a point of obsession, but surely i would like to go to Borders sometime soon and buy some books on the former. magicians as well. i've been studying about them i mean. houdini was rather fascinating. the maker of the bullet catch trick eventually died performing it.
it was rather risky to begin with, but it's such a brilliant trick, and if it brought wonder to the eyes of so many, there is no true performer that would say it wasn't worth it.
the first thing that crosses a person's mind (and comes out of their mouth) when they see an illusion is "how did you do that?"
but, of course, you'll never tell. a good magician never reveals their secrets but to a trusted few who are in on the trick.
maybe that's why i enjoy reading about them.
make your own parallels from that.
